Thoughts from Linda Roberts January 13, 2021

Hello Everyone,

Well it's 2021! I saw this post on Facebook and I feel compelled to share: "I'd like to cancel my subscription to 2021. I've experienced the free 7-day trial and I am not interested."

While we can laugh as we read this post, we have to say this year has started much as 2020 ended. How on earth are we supposed to gain any kind of stability and normalcy when we are grieving in a world filled with sickness and turmoil?

In honor of 2021, let's look at 21 Rules of Happiness. (These are not all original thoughts by the way.)

- Live in the moment (staring after the first few days of the year. These first days we don't want to relive.)

- Don't fret over the past (Actually there are plenty of days in the past few months we just plain want to forget! Fretting over them is a serious waste of time.)

- Set goals (Goals that are attainable - like taking time for yourself.)

- Give more (of your time, your kindness, and your resources)

- Forgive (Life is short as we all know too well.)

- Forget (Don't consume yourself with "what ifs or past mistakes you can't change)

- Give up perfection (We are not perfect creatures.)

- Enjoy simple things (a sunrise, a sunset, birds at the bird feeder)

- Socialize (Easier to do when we aren't in the midst of a pandemic, but try to stay connected to those you care about.)

- Free you heart from hatred (Two words for that: WASTED EMOTION)

- Spend time with family (If you don't have family close adopt one. Find a good friend who can be your sister or brother.)

- Self care (Mind your health-both physical and mental)

- Pray and meditate (Prayer provides an opportunity to pour your heart out to someone who listens, who loves you and understands your feelings.)

- Expect less (from yourself and others)

- Believe in yourself (You know you are stronger than you once thought you were.)

- Embrace simplicity (Less stuff is less stressful)

- Be humble and kind (not much else to say about that)

- Be grateful (a roof over your head and food in the fridge)

- Do random acts of kindness (a note to a grieving friend, lunch for a neighbor, smile at a stranger)

- Be happy (Work to make that choice of happiness each morning - difficult though it may be some days.)

- AND NO.21! LOVE yourself and others (Love is healing, and love creates a happy heart).

Well that's quite a list, but if we can accomplish at least part of these we can be assured we will experience some happiness.

One of the most common things we ask ourselves when we are grieving is, "When will I feel better?" Obviously, there is not a set answer. In one month? In three months? In one year? Ever? We feel better gradually over time. Just like each day of our life is different, each day of our healing is different. Some days we feel as if we have made a lot of progress, only to think the next day that we are right back where we started on this grief journey. To make this a better year work from the list above. Our lives may be forever changed, but that doesn't mean we will never experience joy again. Grief is what we feel inside after a loved one dies. The heartbreak, the loneliness, the crying yourself to sleep are the grief. When we are able to put words with how we feel and share what we feel with others we begin to mourn. Being honest enough with yourself to recognized your feelings is part of mourning. Mourning is the beginning of feeling better. Finding and experiencing new meaning in 2021 is the beginning of healing.

A moment of personal honesty - I think I truly began to heal when we started our Good Grief meetings which was almost 8 years after Kinsey's death. I had gone on with my life, working, spending time with the grandchildren, but not really sharing my grief. I talked with Ernie some, but he always got upset so I hated to bring it up. I couldn't talk with the grandchildren about my grief because the weren't old enough to understand what had happened to them, much less understand how Kinsey's death affected me. Keli, our daughter, was not close by and had a lot on her plate with her own job, young children, and dealing with her own grief. My sister had just divorced after 30 plus years of marriage and was experiencing her own kind of grief. So a lot of what I was feeling was held inside. Good Grief meetings were the first time I was able to openly express my feelings with folks who I knw would understand. It was the first time I felt comfortable sharing some of the feelings and situations surrounding Kinsey's death that were keeping me from healing. I think it's the first time I had experience Good Grief. And for that I can say thank you. Though I had no idea when we started the group that it would work this way, you folks have been healing for me. I hope that has worked for you as well.

How can you experience Good Grief? Start by reviewing the list of 21 things above, trying to remember your loved one with smiles, and consider coming to our Good Grief group. You can comfortable share your feelings without judgement or you can sit quietly and hear from others as they share their experiences with loss. If you have never attended we would welcome you. If you have attended, I look forward to our group being together again soon. As of now, if Covid is somewhat under control, we will begin meeting February 7, 2021. We meet the first and third Sundays of each month beginning at 3:00 pm and we usually end by 4:30.