Grief and Fear

Thoughts from Linda Roberts

January 30, 2021

“No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” - C. S. Lewis

“Courage is being scared to death-but saddling up anyway.” - John Wayne

Fear may not be an emotion you previously associated with grief. However, most who have experienced grief will admit fear was a part of their grief journey. With the passing of your loved one, you’ve likely considered what the future holds. You feel as if you have lost a map and compass all at once - a way to orient your life. “Who am I alone?” “What does my future look like?” “Am I strong enough to accept what has happened?” We’re fearful because the answers to these questions aren’t knowable in minute. Or day. Or month. Or sometimes even a year. And so while you figure it out, you have to live in a world without orientation. Your heart is broken and you are fearful about how (or if) you can face the next day. Your fear is neither unusual nor a sign of weakness. Much of the security in your life came from being someone’s spouse, someone’s mother/ father, or someone’s child. The person who is now gone was someone you relied on, maybe someone who made you feel safe. Your loss may have caused you to lose your excitement for life and your courage to face the future. Additionally, you may be fearful that someone else you love may die, or that you will become sick and not be able to take care of yourself. Fear is a crippling emotion and will hinder your healing.

So what can you do when you have those feelings?

Start by admitting your fears to yourself. Sometimes we feel we must deal with our emotions on our own. We have to be strong. We stay busy, we work hard, we watch too much television, or anything we can think of to prevent facing and dealing with our fears. While there’s nothing wrong with staying busy or sometimes even staying in bed all day, at some point we all need to recognize our fears and address them positively.

How do we do that?

Find someone you are comfortable with, someone who is supportive, and then verbalize your fears to them. Maybe you can share with a family member, or maybe not, maybe a friend, or maybe a grief support group. Whatever you do, don’t ignore your feelings or think no one else experiences the same things you feel. Pent up fear and questioning your feelings won’t produce positive results. Once you begin admitting and addressing your fears, you will find them diminishing as you gain strength, mourn, and make some decisions about how you can move forward. Courage is not the absence of fear; courage is having the strength to face your fears.

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Good Grief, our grief support group meets on the 1st and 3rd Sundays of each month at 3 pm in the Fellowship of Rutledge Baptist Church. You will not be required to share anything you don't want to share. Newcomers are always welcome.